Teachers Gone Wild

Hot Educator Summer Is Here

Jul 01, 2021

This time I was prepared.

Several summers ago, I accompanied my wife, Nuvia, and several of her colleagues on a business trip to Merida. While Nuvia and her cohorts, all high school teachers, attended an immersive Spanish-language institute, I roamed around the city and did my best to stay out of the sun and the afternoon thunderstorms. We all stayed together in a massive house that had a large kitchen and a pool in the backyard so that we could cool off in the evenings.

I figured that these fine men and women who had dedicated themselves to educating others would be interested in visiting the city’s museums and exploring the many ruins outside of town. I imagined late night chats about art, culture, and literature. I thought it would inspiring, perhaps even edifying.

Well, I was wrong.

Instead, it was like spring break with a bunch of plumbers. Tequila shots, loud music, and dance videos that had to potential to end careers were the order of the day. When we did go out it was to places with two-for-one-margarita specials. Then they’d stay up late and splash around the pool, drinking tequila and scarfing down quesadillas at midnight. In the morning, I was certain they’d wake with hangovers but these teachers were machines. They woke up early and went to the institute, only to start the process all over again at happy hour.

So when Nuvia told me we were going to a birthday party for one of her colleagues at a karaoke bar, I was ready.

I’m no stranger to karaoke, but I’d never been to an actual karaoke bar, and Melody Karaoke & Café on Convoy Street is a bona fide karaoke joint. A warren of dark rooms. Massive screens. And, of course, loud music. I was taken by the ambiance, especially the glass-topped tables with lights beneath the surface that changed color from purple to green to orange. These tables were begging for someone to snort cocaine off of them. It all felt kind of noirish in a debauched kind of a way.

But it wasn’t that kind of party. For the next three hours songs by Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, Avril Lavigne, Taylor Swift, other pop divas of the nineties and the aughts thundered through the sound system. These teachers knew every word, were intimate with every beat. Every so often someone would perform a classic from the ’70s like Queen, David Bowie, or Elton John. But most of the songs were from the millennial mixtape, songs I’d heard a million times but had never paid much attention to, especially the lyrics.

I know this isn’t exactly earth-shattering news but most of the lyrics to contemporary pop songs make no sense. I get that what matters most in a pop song is the sound of the words and the way they are sung, not their actual meaning. By that criteria, Avril Lavigne’s “Skater Boi” is positively Shakespearean. (It’s got a narrative, a story with three parts, character development, and a twist with a moral.) I was surprised by how many songs have lyrics that start with an interesting premise, like Gnarles Barkley’s “Crazy,” but go absolutely nowhere.

Songs aren’t stories. They’re not even poems. But, by and large, turn of the century pop songs are non sequiturs that revel in idiocy.

The other thing that was disorienting was that many of the videos were not the videos I grew up watching. If the company wasn’t able to license the video then they’d provide another one, and sometimes these videos had nothing to do with the song, or even music. Imagine Madonna’s “Material Girl” accompanied by footage of Korean Army war exercises, vacation videos of foreign cities, drone views of the Dubai skyline.

But the biggest surprise of the night came when Nuvia took the mic and sang an inspired version of Janet Jackson’s “Black Cat.”

Nuvia loves to sing. Every year she latches on to a new female artist, memorizes the album, and sings along to every song. She used to do this in the car to and from work, but with the pandemic she’s been working from home and hasn’t been able to really cut loose. She listens to music on her headphones in her office, and sometimes I can hear her singing along in there, but it isn’t the same.

Fans of pop music that came of age in during the peak of MTV didn’t just memorize the lyrics, they had the moves down cold too. Nuvia grew up idolizing Janet Jackson and performing the dance routine was a big part of singing along to the song. So when she’s singing along in the car, it’s very much a choreographed performance in sync with the music. There’s no talking while Nuvia does her thing. It’s her show.

So when she busted out Janet Jackson’s “Black Cat,” she didn’t hold back. She let it all out. She belted out the song and it was like watching fifteen months of anxiety and worry and dread fall away.

“Black Cat” is not Nuvia’s favorite Janet Jacksons song (though she does love the entire album), but it is the heaviest. Nuvia is a well-documented Pearl Jam fan and her go-to rock karaoke rock song is Billy Idol’s not very subtle “Rock the Cradle of Love.” “Black Cat” is like an arena rock version of Janet Jackson, comparable to her brother’s “Dirty Diana.” It must have been a lot of fun to be touring musician with Ms. Jackson.

There may or may not be video of this performance and I can neither confirm nor deny that the alleged video contains scenes where she straddles the videographer, which would be me. But I do have one magnificent photograph, and really it’s all that any of us deserve.

With the school year finally in the books it’s been great to see so many of our friends in education celebrate the summer. If you’re a teacher or educator, thank you for the work that you do. I know these last 15 months have been hard on you, your students, and your families, and I hope you’re able to make the most of your summer vacation.

Quiztune for you: What’s your go-to karaoke song?

Post your response in the comments below and I’ll raffle off one of my books to a lucky winner!