I just had my Mom's 2 year in June as well. 3 years ago she fell in the shower. She bumped her head pretty good I guess. So, she went to the hospital after 2 days of nausea where it was discovered she had stage 4 brain cancer. It was a total shock to everyone. She never smoked, rarely drank (and even then it was never to the point of being drunk), and was still mountain biking, sailing competitively, skiing etc as a 70+ year old. It was unfathomable that she, of all people, would have been given such a horrific and brutal death sentence like that.
There was always talk over the years about how her Mom lived until 105 (a few weeks from 106!) and how we were blessed with great genetics as a family in that way. Mom's gotta have a good 20+ years in her at least, right? Guess not.
As I moved home to help take care of her during her decline she told me that she WOULD NOT die at 77. She didn't. She died on the morning of her 78th birthday.
It's really hard to look at all the pictures from that year or even think about individual events including the morning she died. I don't really get terribly sad about it all anymore, at least not as much as I used to, but I still say "hello" to a picture of her every day and wear a few of her baseball hats on occasion. Shit, I still have her number in my contacts list on my phone for no rational reason at all, I just do. Maybe in some way that makes me feel better knowing that she's with no matter where I go? I dunno.
I don't know if writing this tiny snippet of my experience was of any help to you (and hopefully didn't bum you out), just saying that you are not alone in this particular emotion. We were extremely lucky to have Moms that mattered to us enough to care about such things as anniversaries. Not everyone gets to feel that. How I look at it anyway...
So sorry for your loss. Keep striving to do exactly what you said- focus on the positive memories and living your life the best you can (and forgive yourself when you don't because she would want that for you too).
I'm right there with ya, Jim.
I just had my Mom's 2 year in June as well. 3 years ago she fell in the shower. She bumped her head pretty good I guess. So, she went to the hospital after 2 days of nausea where it was discovered she had stage 4 brain cancer. It was a total shock to everyone. She never smoked, rarely drank (and even then it was never to the point of being drunk), and was still mountain biking, sailing competitively, skiing etc as a 70+ year old. It was unfathomable that she, of all people, would have been given such a horrific and brutal death sentence like that.
There was always talk over the years about how her Mom lived until 105 (a few weeks from 106!) and how we were blessed with great genetics as a family in that way. Mom's gotta have a good 20+ years in her at least, right? Guess not.
As I moved home to help take care of her during her decline she told me that she WOULD NOT die at 77. She didn't. She died on the morning of her 78th birthday.
It's really hard to look at all the pictures from that year or even think about individual events including the morning she died. I don't really get terribly sad about it all anymore, at least not as much as I used to, but I still say "hello" to a picture of her every day and wear a few of her baseball hats on occasion. Shit, I still have her number in my contacts list on my phone for no rational reason at all, I just do. Maybe in some way that makes me feel better knowing that she's with no matter where I go? I dunno.
I don't know if writing this tiny snippet of my experience was of any help to you (and hopefully didn't bum you out), just saying that you are not alone in this particular emotion. We were extremely lucky to have Moms that mattered to us enough to care about such things as anniversaries. Not everyone gets to feel that. How I look at it anyway...
Take care,
BD
Thank you for sharing. I know it gets easier but, well, you know.
So sorry for your loss. Keep striving to do exactly what you said- focus on the positive memories and living your life the best you can (and forgive yourself when you don't because she would want that for you too).