The Refrigerator

A mostly true story

It’s been a brutal month and we haven’t even closed the books on the first week. We could all use an earnest distraction as we head into the weekend. On that note, here’s a mostly true story called The Refrigerator….

I went to the doctor.

The doctor ran some tests.

After she analyzed the tests the doctor said to me, “Jim, you need hearing aids.”

I said, “What?”

I took some more tests.

The doctor fitted me with devices and inserted them into my ears. 

“Is that better?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

But it wasn’t better.

It was worse.

Much, much worse.

Suddenly, I could hear everything. 

Footsteps, birds singing, people in cars honking their horns. 

I looked around but there wasn’t anyone walking nearby, or birds flying overhead, or cars careening toward me.

It was all too much. 

But most disturbing of all was my refrigerator. 

I thought of my refrigerator as kitchen furniture; but now it was making an ungodly shrieking sound. 

“Do you hear that?” I asked my wife and daughter.

“Hear what?” 

“That noise.”

“The refrigerator?” my wife asked. 

“Does it always sound like that?” I asked.

“Sound like what?” my daughter said. 

Eventually, I became accustomed to my new hearing aids.

The sounds of the outside world receded. My communication with my wife and daughter improved.

But the refrigerator wouldn’t stop it’s infernal screaming, and I was the only one who could hear it. 

“Something’s wrong with the refrigerator,” I insisted.

“Seems to be working just fine,” my wife said. 

“It sounds like it’s going to die.”

“Maybe you should go back to the doctor,” my wife suggested.

The next morning the refrigerator was eerily quiet.

The milk was warm and the ice cubes in the freezer had melted. 

The refrigerator was dead.

“I told you,” I said. 

“Weird,” my wife said as she removed the food from the refrigerator.

There’s nothing more useless than a dead refrigerator. 

I began to wonder. Were my hearing aids tuned to the last gasps of the dying? 

Did I have the power to hear things before they gave up the ghost? 

That night I turned on the television. 

The president was giving a news conference. 

When he opened his mouth to speak, all I could hear was noise. 

The Outsider Episode 9

In Wednesday’s newsletter, I forgot to include the link to my conversation with Ryan Bradford about HBO’S The Outsider. Actually, I didn’t forget. I jumped the gun and sent it off before Ryan posted our convo about Episode 9. (If you’re behind, Ryan has posted links to all of our previous discussions.) It’s a good time to catch up because this Sunday is the season finale. If you don’t subscribe to Ryan’s newsletter, you really should, especially if you live in San Diego where his weekly concert guide is an invaluable resource.

Little Constructions by Anna Burns

Somehow I’ve also forgotten to post my review of 2018 Man Booker Prize-winner Anna Burns’s outstanding novel Little Constructions, which ran in the Los Angeles Times last month. I loved Burns’s breakout novel, Milkman, which is also about The Troubles, and this one is just as wild.

In the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, I’m going to try and read a few new Irish novels this month. Any recommendations?

Belfast from Black Mountain