Swamp Monsters

There’s a ghoul in the White House. And he's not alone.

Has this been the weirdest ten days of the Trump presidency? 

First the bombshell of Trump’s taxes dropped, revealing that he paid just $750 in taxes the first year in the White House. Trump’s taxes are full of juicy details, including what looks to be incriminating payments made to his daughter and Trump writing off $70,000 in expenses for his hair. 

This detail, as absurd as it seems on its face, could end up causing Trump a lot of trouble if it can be proven he was reimbursed by the network for these expenses. Here’s what one former NBC executive said:

“It is common for major stars to have their own hair and makeup experts. Often the show pays those stylists directly, but sometimes the star pays and is reimbursed by the show. One reason for such arrangements is that the on-air talent uses nonunion stylists who can’t be paid directly by the show.”

If he was reimbursed by the network but deducted the expense on his taxes, that’s textbook fraud. Wouldn’t it be something if Trump’s hair starts the dominos toppling that land him in jail? 

Trump’s bad week got worse at the debate where he embarrassed himself in front of the country. His petulant performance appalled young and older voters alike. Young people found Trump’s refusal to follow the rules unfair and older voters were shocked by his aggressive demeanor and overall lack of decorum.

I think this hurt Trump more than we think. Those who work on screens and are essentially online all the time (ahem) know exactly what kind of person Trump is. But older people who aren’t online as much and get their “news” from Fox and Facebook see a different version of Trump, one that is carefully curated through a conservative lens. These outlets strive to convince Republicans that all the unflattering stuff is fake news or part of the MSM’s efforts to demonize Trump. 

But no amount of spin can explain away Trump’s abhorrent behavior at the debates. Viewers saw the president as he really is and for some it was a revelation. It’s the newest front on what the New York Times is calling the Gray Revolt: Boomers turning on Trump. 

Trump’s bullying was a feature not a flaw of his debate strategy because Christie coached Trump to fluster Biden because stutterers struggle when interrupted.

There’s no bottom with these monsters. 

Not Kellyane Conway

Then the inevitable happened. Trump tested positive for Covid-19.With 13 employees of a Minneapolis restaurant in quarantine after working a Trump gathering on September 30 (That’s right, September 30!) it’s looking increasingly likely that Trump is patient zero. 

So many people in Trump’s administration have contracted COVID-19 that you need a scorecard to keep track of them all. Each infection impacts an entire family, as Claudia Conway has made clear on Tik-Tok. (Informal polling inside my house (i.e. I asked my teenage daughter) suggests that Claudia Conway ratting out her mother is legit; I’m not so sure it isn’t another grift.)

This administration’s disdain of masks is well known and comes from the top down. But the staggering number of cases indicates the Trump White House has no awareness of how the virus incubates and treats negative tests like a magic wand. And these are the people defending America? They can’t even keep their own house safe.

Everything we know about the situation comes from journalists. There have been so many half-truths and evasions and conflicting stories and outright lies that nothing that comes out of the White House can be trusted.

The photos that came out of Walter Reed were truly disturbing. Trump’s insistence on cosplaying the presidency while hunched over a blank piece of paper with a Sharpie made Trump look like a modern day Jack Torrance. While Torrance uses a typewriter; Trump repeats the same uppercase nonsense on Twitter. 

Not President Trump who is definitely OK

When I first heard about the president’s joyride around Walter Reed, I thought he was taking a victory lap while leaving the hospital. No, the patient sick with an infectious virus left the hospital to stroke his ego. Even his dumbshit fail-son thought it was a bad idea. 

Then came the propaganda ploy that was right out of the Third Reich’s playbook that featured Trump’s “triumphant” return to the White House and ended with him gasping like a fish out of water after climbing the stairs to the South Portico in a contrived and ineffective attempt to project an image of strength. 

And now it’s being reported that Trump has refused testing because he finds it uncomfortable. So we have no idea when he caught it or how many people he may have infected. 

Meanwhile the hits keep coming. Hope Hicks orchestrated the photo op at St. John’s Church during the BLM protests.

Rosenstein and Sessions insisted on separating babies from their mothers at the border: “We need to take away children.

But the most bonkers revelation to come out of this weekend was this account of Trump’s father in Vanity Fair.

“There is a long history in the Trump family of denying serious illness. According to a Trump family friend, Trump’s father, Fred Trump Sr., insisted on working even after his Alzheimer’s disease advanced in the 1990s. “To retire is to expire!” Fred Sr. would say. The friend said that as Fred Sr.’s disease worsened––he once came down the stairs wearing three neckties––the family created a system so that Fred could think he was still running the Trump Organization. Every day Fred Sr. would go to the office in Brooklyn and they would give him blank papers to sort through and sign. The phone on Fred’s desk was set up so that it could only dial out to his secretary. “Fred pretended to work,” the family friend said.”

Sound familiar? 

Something You Can Do Right Now

Does marijuana help get out the vote? If you’re young and not terribly interested in politics it does. There are several ballot initiatives to legalize marijuana this year and one of them is in a red state that is now in play. The current two-term governor of Montana, Steve Bullock, is running for Senate and his favorability ratings and name recognition has made the race in Montana very tight.

Let’s help get Bullock over the hump with a donation. 

Do What You Want Update

It’s the season for all things weird and wonderful and I made a playlist of “scary” Bad Religion songs for The Witzard. Check it out!

Low-Brow Art at a Low Price

As many of you know I dabble in visual art. When I came up with the idea for this pin, I thought it was an amusing take on the bravado it takes to exist on this failing planet. I’m going to write a novel! I’m going to start a family! Time is on my side and nothing can stop me! That’s usually when the Grim Reaper steps in and says, “Not so fast, amigo.” 

Then COVID-19 hit and with so much death and dying I thought it might be in bad taste to sell pins with the Grim Reaper laughing over a fresh grave. Plus, our shop shut down. So I put the pins on the shelf and pretty much forgot about them.  

But now that Trump has tested positive and has basically turned the White House into a hot spot with his own maniacal mix of hubris and stupidity, I’m putting the pin up on my Etsy store at a steep Halloween discount of 33% off for the cursed price of $6.66. I think I’ve got about 50 of these so first come first served. Get your orders in so I can ship them to you before Halloween. And if you want multiple pins (like more than three) reach out to me directly.

Trump thinks he’s 2 legit 2 quit? We’ll just see about that…