Memory Holes

Tommy Cash, Circle Jerks, Golondrina & Book News

Since my bout with COVID-19 I’ve been struggling with my memory.  

At first, I referred to it as “brain fog,” but that isn’t accurate. Brain fog is a common symptom of long COVID that, in addition to short-term memory issues, includes poor concentration, slower cognition, and confusion, which frankly sounds terrifying. I definitely don’t have that.  

What I’m noticing is short-term memory loss, affecting things rattling around my brain both before and after COVID.

For instance, a reader of this newsletter (Hi Rob!) recently asked me online if I’d given further thought to “that podcast.” I panicked, thinking he’d invited me to appear on a podcast and I’d neglected to answer him. But what podcast? I frantically searched through my emails and discovered he was asking me if I’d given any thought to doing some podcasts about Corporate Rock Sucks. I hadn’t because I’d forgotten all about it even though I wrote about it in this newsletter and exchanged emails with Rob about it. “You should do it,” he said. “I will,” I said. Then COVID happened.

Another example: a friend (Hi Siel!) thanked me online for gifting her a book for her birthday. I’d forgotten all about it. What made it even more embarrassing is that the book was by another friend (Hi Julia!) I even wrote to my friend to ask her about the book and she confirmed that I did indeed buy it for her. That’s when the details came back to me.

Another example: my brother-in-law was telling me about a trip that he had to cancel last month as Omicron was spiking. It sounded vaguely familiar and I wondered if he’d told me this story before. Then, the next day, I remembered why his story resonated with me: I’d had to cancel a trip that same weekend because I still wasn’t feeling 100% after coming down with COVID in Northern Ireland.

I know my memory isn’t as sharp as it once was. I’m middle aged and probably don’t get enough sleep. I’ve got a book coming out in less than two months and I’ve got a lot on my mind. But I’m not talking about forgetting to buy tortillas at the grocery store or neglecting to add a meeting to my calendar. Even with allowing myself some extra grace due to my mother’s passing five months ago and two years of a pandemic, these memory lapses seem odd.

What’s distressing about these memory holes is that when I was reminded of the thing I’d forgotten, there was no lightbulb moment, no immediate spark of recognition. It was like I’d drive into a pothole that turned into a cave. My mind needed another nudge, like a train conductor asking to see my ticket. Only then did I “remember” what had been forgotten.

It’s like a virus has infected my hard drive and randomly deleted certain files. Or my brain has add two-step verification to my memories and I don’t know the passwords. It’s humbling. It’s frustrating. And it’s more than a little worrisome.

Maybe “struggle” isn’t the right word. Other than these strange lapses, my brain functions just fine. I can call up all kinds of information about SST, for example. I didn’t forget to give Nuvia a Valentine. I can read and write and work to my heart’s content.

Is anyone else experiencing this? Should I be worried or am I worrying too much? I promise I’m not going to turn this newsletter into a referendum on my health (next week: back aches and why they suck) but it would be nice to know that this symptom, if that’s what it is, will pass.

Live Music & Other Excitements

On Super Bowl Sunday I went to see Tommy Cash at the Casbah. Tommy Cash is an Estonian rapper and performance artist with a bizarre yet captivating Instagram feed. I got to know Tommy Cash through his appearance in this baroque NSFW video for Russian rapper Little Big’s “Give Me Your Money.”

Tommy Cash’s own work is darker and slower and his videos reflect his offbeat sensibilities. He comes at music through a lens of fashion and dance that shows through in his videos, which are sublime. I don’t know enough about Estonian trip-hop to speak with any kind of authority about his skills as a rapper, but I love how his videos combine an arresting visual style that is both humorous and deeply strange.  

Tommy Cash’s show at the Casbah was a mix of high-energy dance music delivered by a DJ decked out in a balaclava and Tommy Cash’s slower hip-hop songs like “Horse Before Porsche,” “Little Molly,” and “Pussy Money Weed.” I was hoping that Tommy Cash’s stage performance would reflect the visual style of his videos but aside from a two-headed hoodie seemingly designed for conjoined twins, the show was pretty bare bones. Just Tommy Cash and his DJ. That’s what $15 gets you on Super Bowl Sunday and the crowd ate it up.

Interestingly, the Spits show I went to a few weeks ago had twice as many people but there were way more fucked up people at Tommy Cash. Some people looked like they’d been drinking since before the Super Bowl kicked off and others were out of their tree on other substances.

Speaking of punk rock, I’m looking forward to seeing the Circle Jerks this weekend. I’ll be going to two shows: the North Park Observatory in San Diego on Friday and the House of Blues in Anaheim on Saturday. Based on my experiences at both venues, I’m optimistic about feeling safe at the former and less so about the latter. When I go to shows I’m always 1) masked up and 2) ready to bounce if it gets stupid (and by that I mean if I’m unable to keep my distance).

So far, so good, but the risks are real. Dinosaur Jr had to cancel a show in Portland because Lou Barlow tested positive. It must have been a false positive because they’re back at it and I’ll be going to see them at the North Park Observatory on Tuesday.

If you’re going to any of these shows, drop me a line. It would be good to see some familiar faces. And if you’re in San Diego on Sunday, your presence is requested in Chula Vista.

It’s a Golondrina reunion of sorts with my cohorts from the collective we ran for four years in Barrio Logan reuniting for the afternoon. We’ll have music from DJ Buddha and brews and others beverages from Three Punks Ales. I’ll have all my books and zines and a few other surprises.

Corporate Rock Sucks & Other Updates

I was hoping to have some exciting news to share about some events I’m planning for the Corporate Rock Sucks book release—a mix of in-person and virtual events—but the soup is still settling, so to speak. I can tell you this: if you preorder the book, hold on to your receipt, because we’ve got some good stuff in the works.

This week I’ll be in the studio scanning my SST collection and updating the site. It’s looking good so far. I’ll also experiment with Substack’s podcast function. Stay tuned.

This week I spoke with a journalist in Poland about Do What You Want with Bad Religion, which was released in Poland this week. That book has been translated into six languages, but this one was probably the most unexpected. It started with a publisher reaching out to me on Facebook, of all places, and I connected him with the band. Doesn’t this look cool?

Lastly, I’ll end with an intentionally vague announcement that last week I received some very good news about a book I’ve been working on for a very long time. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now.

Thanks for reading. Be safe out there.