Frosted Sausages

You put them in your mouth

Once upon a time there was a troll who lived in a toadstool complex in a petrified forest. The troll loved to eat bugs. Big bugs, little bugs, shiny bugs, dim bugs. Every year he made a list of the most delicious bugs he ate and sent it to all his friends. Most of his friends did not pay much attention to this list because they did not enjoy eating bugs. No. They ate normal things like beans and eggs and soup and sausages. Man, they really loved sausages, especially the frosted kind. But our friend the troll labored over his list and sent it out anyway because sometimes someone would say, “I like shiny bugs too” and he would be glad, but only for a minute because he knew the second he wrote about those delicious bugs he’d lose his taste for them and would have to go searching for new ones. This was his curse. The end.

Did you like that story? No? Well too fucking bad because here are some tasty bugs, you frosted sausage eaters.

Curb Your Anarchy by Children with Dog Feet (Digital EP from Toxic State Records)

Let’s start with a record most of you will hate. Twitchy guitars, menacing drums, and vocals like the arch villain addressing the foolish mortals he’s about to destroy. This mean-ass goth punk quartet from Brooklyn is making deathrock scary again. Here’s a video teaser, but to hear the song in its epic entirety you have to go to its Bandcamp page. Hat tip to Zachary Lipez.

Glow On by Turnstile (Digital LP from Roadrunner Records)

I resisted this record for the longest time because it’s popular. I’m sorry but that’s who I am and I’m not going to change. I watched the Turnstile Tiny Desk Concert while on lockdown at Aunt Margaret’s haunted garret in Belfast and I was intrigued. Then I watched the video montage I’m linking to below and was hooked. Sonically, this five-piece post-hardcore band from Baltimore isn’t doing anything too terrifically original, but the band’s entire aesthetic is completely divorced from punk and hardcore. It’s really refreshing to be honest. Watching this series of videos was the best part of those long COVID days and “Holiday” is easily my favorite track.

Old City by Old City (Digital EP from Old City)

The video for “Sixers” which features rap artist MURS, is the perfect mix of eye candy and ear porn—probably because its features Chuck Dukowski’s infectious bass line from “Six Pack”—but man this video is astonishingly good with all kinds of Easter eggs.

Hideaway by Wavves (LP from Fat Possum)

At this point I should admit to myself that I’ll always be a Wavves fan. There are a lot of great tracks on this record, I think “Thru Hell” is my favorite but I’m obligated to link to the video to “Hideaway” because it features my friend Soty as a bad-ass bowler. Soty is a terrific tattoo artist that I’ve gotten a couple of pieces from over the years, including a three-eyed cat and a burrito. In fact, I met her at the Wavves show I wrote about in my Pearl Jam essay for Granta.

Confines of Life of Neighborhood Brats (LP from Dirt Cult Records)

Another ripper from the Neighborhood Brats that’s kind of a return to form. They’re not really a San Francisco band because the guitar player lives in LA but “All Nazis Must Die” has some Swingin’ Utters at the Bottom of the Hill circa 2003 vibes.

The Alice Tape by Death Hags (Cassette from Death Hags)

For Halloween, the one-woman-artist known as Death Hags was going to release a cover of “Alice” by Sisters of Mercy and ended up writing an entire suite of songs to go with it, which she released on a tape and made available on her Bandcamp page. Death Hags is the most inspiring artist I follow on that site. Always doing cool creative projects and collaborations. My favorite track is “Creation/Destruction.”

The Grotto Screams by Altar of Eden (LP from Drunken Sailor Records)

I sure have been vibing on goth lately, I wonder why. It couldn’t be all the death, pestilence, and ghosts in my life lately, could it? Something about the deathrock groove that gets me going. Altar of Eden is from Austin by way of whatever crypt the Clan of Xymox crawled out of.

Corpse Dream by Human Trophy (LP from Drunken Sailor Records)

What’s better than goth? Weird goth. Give it a listen. It’s not like you’re going to get lost inside your rotten mind forever.

We Spare Nothing by Kulk (LP from Hominid Sounds)

These days call for records that rip apart the garbage in our mind and flush it down the drain. Not music that insists that you pay attention to it, but music that makes it impossible to pay attention to anything else. Kulk is a two-piece unit from Norfolk that is serving up some of the heaviest sounds in the UK right now. All nine minutes and thirty seconds of “Forgetting Is Your Blessing” are epic but halfway through the song, when it really starts to crank, feels like church to me right now.

White Dwarf by Heavenly Bodies (LP by Heavenly Bodies)

Three piece from Philadelphia that makes strange circuitous music that describes an ancient orbit around the entire galaxy of rock and roll and throw just about all of it away. Sinister and strange but weirdly soothing too. I’m particularly enamored with the song “A View to Beauty of Form,” which takes up the entire second side of the album and just goes and goes and goes. If you heard this in a movie, you’d think some bad shit was going down, but when I’ve got this cranked at punishing volumes it feels almost uplifting. Either I really miss live music or heavy drugs (or live music and heavy drugs) but this shit is working for me. Hat tip to Tony Rettman.

Frosted Sausages by Frosted Sausages (Frosted Sausages In Your Face Records)

Saved the best for last.